why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
