i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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