don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
