Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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