the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
