oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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