I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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