I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
