Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
