Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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