There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
