i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
