he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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