ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
