Where is the hickey?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You've changed since you got that strap on
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
