Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
