My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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