I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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