Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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