Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
