how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
