just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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