I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
