i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
