My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
