I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
