Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
