i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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