so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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