My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't notice because vodka
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
