I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
