I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
