I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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