May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
