Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
