I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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