Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
