you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
