Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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