woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
