She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
