then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
