Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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