Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm passing your future prison.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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