found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
