I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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