I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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