watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
