Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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