I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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