Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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