He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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