when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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