Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
