your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
