During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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