you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i out mim tonsoeep
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