Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
