BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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