Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
