Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
